The Wonderful World of Markus Birdman

The leaders of our three main parties are all on the war path to Downing Street. So their speeches, body language and media appearances are all being dissected for signs of anything fishy. Today’s politics it seems, is not about what is said, but how.

The same is true in our lives. First impressions matter. [...]

Is it time to vote again? It’s like trying to choose a jumper at M&S. They’re all as awful as each other. I don’t wear jumpers, and I probably won’t be voting. If I do vote it will be to try to keep the BNP out, not because I actually support anyone else. That’s depressing. [...]

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Hurray! It’s been broken down for 18 months, but today, The Cern Hadron Collider is back open! Sounds like an advert for Alton Towers. I wish it was, it would have been a lot cheaper and a lot more fun. For £6billion we humans have built a [...]

‘Suffer the little children to come unto me,” Christ once said to the Apostles, as you well know! As with so much of his teaching, this seems to have got (mis)interpreted along the way.

If the Pope is going to pretend to apologize to us for paedophiles, as seen in the picture above, then could he [...]

I’m quite pleased with that title. They should give me a job at The Sun. I’m touring the United Arab Emirates. It’s a funny old place but I like it. (see earlier article). Though I feel very out of place. I think it’s because I alone, it seems, have heard of climate change! Despite the [...]

And so it is revealed that the Pope knew all along about those paedophile allegations in Germany. Shame on him. Shame on him. Is the Vatican trying to test the faithful? What else could they possibly be up to? Putting an ex Nazi in charge clearly wasn’t enough, they needed him to ramp it [...]

Oh my Lordie, maybe there is hope after all. Incredible news. Tescos got whooped, David and Goliath style, in Sheringham, Norfolk. Perhaps I can start liking people again? Perhaps there is a God? Perhaps I’ll move to Norfolk? Ok, let’s not get carried away. But I rejoice that the Death Star of supermarkets has been [...]

“Us? Oh we’ve only had a couple of peach snaps right boys?”

Just got back from Sweden (minus 22 degrees anyone?). Nowhere near as much raping and pillaging as I was hoping for. And they don’t throws axes at busty wenches anymore. [...]

The Pope, recently said Homosexuality is as bigger threat to humanity as the destruction of the rainforest!…No it isn’t. Not unless gay sex produces a lot more carbon monoxide than we previously imagined. In fairness, I’m not sure if it’s been fully researched- (I’ll happily do the lesbians.) What evidence does he have? is there [...]

I see Public Enemy are not what they used to be. What has happened to Hip-Hop? License to Kim Jong ill anyone?