WHO WILL RULE BRITANNIA 2- TIPS ON PUBLIC PRESENTATION

The leaders of our three main parties are all on the war path to Downing Street. So their speeches, body language and media appearances are all being dissected for signs of anything fishy. Today’s politics it seems, is not about what is said, but how.

The same is true in our lives. First impressions matter. We really do judge a book by it’s cover. With that in mind I’ve laid out some suggestions for making a good impression when meeting people.

1. Hello. How are you?
Start simply with this, but be careful. They will probably reply, ‘Fine, how are you?’ Don’t think this is a opportunity to tell them. Nobody actually wants to know how you are, and it’s considered bloody rude to tell them. The correct response therefore is ‘fine’, or ‘good thanks‘. You might recently have had your arm torn off, it would still be ‘fine’. You might have a tumor the size of a mellon, on your face, it would still be ‘fine’. At a stretch it might be- ‘bearing up’ or ‘mustn’t grumble’
To avoid this, some of you might be tempted to say ‘How do you do?’ Don’t be a spaz, you’re not Oscar Wilde.

2. The Weather.
Now, you might want to mention the weather. This is perfectly acceptable. We Brits get accused of being obsessed with the weather. We’re not gathering meteorological data. It is a very good way to ease into a conversation. An American might go straight in-”Hi I’m Bob from Montana, got 3 kids, 2 ex-wives and 1 ball.” This is not acceptable. We need to be more reserved. “hello, I’m British, I shall be divulging personal data over the next 20 to 25 years. Turned out nice again.”

3. Where are you from?
Slowly you’re uncovering more information. You might now advance to ‘where are you from’. But advance with caution. Never ask ‘where do you live?’ It sounds stalkerish and rapey. As if you’re about to say “I know you do, right by that badly lit park.”

4. What do you do?
Use only when completely floundering for anything else to say. Many people simply don’t wish to be defined by their job. I hate being asked myself. “A comedian, wow I’d never have guessed!” I hate that, particularly at gigs.

More tomorrow on HANDSHAKING and HUGGING.